The perfect day

It's in the 70's. The sun is bright, warm and shining. The hammock is inviting. Biridies chirp and flutter around their blue house. Daddy digging trenches for our vegetable garden. Nursing Dhruv on the hammock is dreamy. Elyse is looking for wormies in Daddy's turned soil. Chloe scratching her back on the newly sprouted grass, kicking her limbs upward like a dance. Ate lunch in the garden with our sunglasses on. Spring has sprung. Oh yeeeaaahhh!!!!

No TV for me

Ooh! Oprah... my favorite. She was on Tivo and the topic was on Motherhood. Yes!! I was so excited to see it on my list that I immediately pushed play. Knowing full well that it may not pan-out, but a girl can try. Plus, in the moment, it seemed like I had an opportunity to snag, what with Dhruv on my left, breastfeeding. Elyse in the highchair working magic with with her beloved Play-Doh. I had room temp coffee left over from this morning (but, hey it's caffiene, so I'm not complaining) and I was flanked by two massive piles of laundry. I thought it was a fine idea to press play. Yes, I will watch Oprah today.

You know, sometimes I get so caught up in my days that it takes a while to wrap my head around the changes happening around me. Like TV. It's taken back-seat to kiddie programs. For goodness sake, my husband just got us another Tivo, cause we're loaded with cartoons on the one we have. I enjoyed TV when I had one baby. In fact, that's when I ramped up on couch-remote-TV time, what with the all-day nursing and late nights. Now, that I have two babies, or one baby and one toddler, TV is not making its way into my day. Well, I should say, my TV programs aren't making their way into the day. I could tell you all about The Backyardigans, Dora, Miss Spider, Little Einsteins, etc. Me and Noggin are like rice and beans - very familiar with each other, thank you very much. I LOVE the Backyardigans. The music is so great. They're nice to each other, and they do fun things. We memorize the tunes and totally integrate them into our day & night. They've got some sweet lullabies, but anyway, I digress.

So.... right, everyone's got something to play with, eat, and drink (my poor dog still hadn't gotten her breakfast yet. She has taken a big hit with the arrival of these babies - the guilt!!).

Alright - 1, 2, 3... GO! I pushed play at 10:15am. Then a few minutes into it, Elyse wanted to switch her play-doh color, "Mommy? No more geen. Wipe, Mommy... pleeeeease.". Me, "Ok, baby....". (Push pause). After we rolled-up all the chunks and specs of green, we swapped it out for white, as she requested. Ok, cool. Here we go... (Pressed play). Ooo! Some of my favorite bloggy ladies are on - how fun!! Oh! "Maaaammmmaaaaa....". (Push pause). "Yes, honey-bunches-of-Ohs...", "Make me wormies, pleeeeease". So with one arm & hand free, I fashion a white worm-looking shape between my hand and thigh. She asks for a whole family of wormies, I mean worms, with a Mommy, Daddy, big Sister and baby Brother. So I give it a whirl, and it's a cute little family, if I may say so myself. I wonder how long it's going to take to watch this show, even if it's only half-way listening. When I've got the wormie family complete, she reaches her hand out to me and says, "Tank you, Mommy. I lub yoo sooo much. I lub wormies too!". "I love you, too, baby girl, soooo much!". (Pressed play).


It was time to switch boobs for baby boy, (Push pause). I clumsily swapped sides, and in the process, a precariously perched pile of just-folded and still warm laundry toppled onto the floor. Oy!! Suddenly, my little guy was sounding like a 4 piece band, and I felt a rather quick spreading of warm... I looked down and his 3rd blow-out for the day painted my 3rd pair of sweat pants, but hey, my pants were already a little sticky from the play-doh. I've got a pair of clean sweats right next to my foot! No need to run up stairs - score! Small victories are soooo sweeet. I used about 8 wipes and a trip to the sink to give him a wash down. Poor guy had mustard yellow poop all the way up to his shoulder blades. Why do boys leak so much? I never washed so many poopified outfits with my little gal. I tell you, I average 2 a day! I don't understand?? Is it his anatomy that pushes the rather loosey-goosey contents up the back of the diaper? Maybe it's the cheaper brand diaper I'm trying? Ok, TMI. Or, not. Anyway, fresh diaper. Check. Fresh clothes. Check. Gotta hand-wash his poopy clothes, but later. I've got Oprah. For now... he's dry, happy, full. Cool. Oprah? Oh, then he smiles at me with those bright blue eyes, and my heart melts.

So, it was 12:10pm by now. Time for lunch. Sorry, Oprah.

I could go on about these kinda details, but Elyse just woke up from her nap - with the cranks. Time for snuggles on the couch.

Suffice it to say that I have a tentative date with Oprah tonight. I'm so excited to see her ditty on being a Mom. I betchya it'll sound a lot like this post :)

P.S. I need a shower.

One of those days

I'm knee-deep in the cranks with myself today. Not motivated to exercise. I just want to get back into making time for it. We got the Wii, and I love that thing, really, I do. The price tag on that sucker should be enough to get me goin', right? NOPE! My back hurts, sciatica's got me in a funk. If there ever was a good excuse NOT to get into Warrior II, sciatica is the one. My back is a constant reminder of very fragile I can be. It makes me want to cry sometimes. Damn!!

Adding to my lack of motivation, is sleep dep. Waking up a couple times a night, nursing my little guy back to slumber has me feeling groggy on most mornings. I end up laying on my side to nurse, and then fall asleep after he dozes off. So we wake-up for the next round in a couple hours. He just sticks his little neck out, like a frail baby bird, reaching for his fountain of youth with his lips puckered. It's the sweetest thing. I cradle his little head and back with my arm, I can't help it, I just want to wrap him up and inhale. It helps me fall back asleep - he smells THAT good. BUT, this side-sleeping business has got my back in a twist, my shoulder sockets are sore as all get out, and I wake up with a crick in my neck all the time.

I'm tired. My back hurts. I've got laundry to do. Lunch to make. Floors to clean. A dishwasher to empty. A dog to bath. Oh jeeeeees, I'll stop now. I'm getting agita just thinking about it all. Today's one of those days. Family's flying into town tomorrow. Looking forward to it, but there's too much to do. Waaaa :(

I started this morning with a cup of coffee, and I'm going to end it with a glass of wine.
Peace out.

Movin' on up

So my baby girl is on her way. I can hardly write this post today. She's learning how to use the toilet seat. OK, lump in my throat. She is TOTALLY into wearing her Dora panties, albeit on top of her diaper. She just moved from her highchair (happy to pass the torch over to her baby brother) on to a booster seat strapped on to the ADULT dining room chair. She's cool like that. Gulp. Baby boy likes to sit with us while we eat at the table. He often squirms until he's lopsided and drooled to the max. He really just likes to be in the mix... always. It's so cute. If he needs to catch a few zzz's while he's in the highchair, then he'll just close his eye lids, thank you very much. I think he could sleep through a NYC subway passing by overhead, if need be. I notice him eye-balling the fork-to-mouth motion, one of the clues that he's ready to start that baby cereal stuff. His doc says it's ok to start between 4-6 months old. And he's 5 months now. Oh jeees. Is it me, or does time start to warp into light speed when you have two kiddies?? Like, seriously. Truth is, I'm not sure if I'm ready to give him cereal, to stop changing her diapers. Not kidding. So, maybe I'll just wait until he's 6 months old, like the APA suggests. I'm holding on to these baby days like a dog on a bone. So here I am, my 2 year old girl is prancing around in her panties, over-the-diaper. She's doing a ballerina dance and pointing her toes to the ground as we speak. And I'm trying to see clearly through these tears that keep coming through. I can't believe SHE has panties. Then the booster seat. AND, we're going to look for a “big-girl-twin-bed”, soon, since we're going to upgrade baby boy from the bassinet to THE CRIB, in his own room. Oy! All of these milestones have me in a cloud of bliss and weepy-blurry eyes. I know it's just part of the Mommy process, but PLEASE... my little 'ol ticker can only take so much!!!

Blossom

What am I supposed to do about bathing suits going forward? I'm still trying to decide how I really feel about my new body. I have days, when I stand in front of the mirror and I think, "Ya know, Mommy? You look so pretty. Soft and supple like a woman should. There are other days, when I'm like, "Hey, it's ok. You had 2 babies in 2 years. But, bikini's may be off the menu.".

I don't hate anything about me. I never have. I haven't fallen for our culture's hateful programming of the feminine kind. Sure, I'd like to have a six-pack, less cellulite, a toner body over-all. BUT, I also know that if I REALLY wanted that, I'd spend the requisite 7 hours a week to make it happen. Can't say I'm THAT interested.

I feel like every woman I talk to has body issues. It's almost like the thing to do. Is it the current days' brand of modesty? Do so many women, young and mature, really loathe their bodies? I know too many women who are completely concerned with what they eat, how much they weigh, what everyone else eats, what they weigh, what size clothes they wear, etc. Projecting onto eachother, even on loved ones, their body image issues. I don't get it. What the hell?

Being a Mother, and all, I feel like I owe it to my kids to love myself, all parts of me. I'm teaching them how to feel about themselves. Right? I need to acknowledge my kindness, my fun loving spirit, my intelligence, my accomplishements, my emotional depth, my life, my good health. I'm not talking ego - the inflated/compensating kinda posturing. I'm talking, be cool enough with myself that I don't hide behind self deprication. It's not cute. It's sad. Why do we feel like we have to point out our flaws? Does it make us more likeable? Is it the whole, misery loves company thing?

I want my children to feel good about themselves, as youngens and oldens! So, I'm not going to fall into the trap. We all have character... and in my book, that weighs a hell of a lot more than the number we see on the scale.

So, now I know exactly how I feel about my new body. I'm cool with it. A seed was planted, it grew into a beautiful blossom, and I am charged with tending to it for the rest of my days. And I will love that blossom by loving myself.

Spilled milk

I just spent the last 40 minutes pumping. It's the end of the day, my husband's on his way home from work with the Indian take-out and I want a glass of wine. I know shouldn't have waited until the end of the day to pump- I didn't have much to offer up. But, I was getting a bit here and there, so I kept at it for a while. As I was changing sides, I turned the pump off, and heard my little guy crying...loud! OH! I jumped up so fast from alarm that I accidentally lost my grip on the liquid gold and it flew out of my hands (bottle and pump and contents) and crashed on the floor, spraying the good stuff all over the ottoman and the floor. Shit!

I'm so annoyed at myself. Oh my god.


Baby boy was ok, he just wanted a warm snuggle and a topping off before he settled for the night. My goodness, he smells dreamy.

Take-out tonight

Hey people.... ch-check it out. I just did the coolest thing. I'm so excited....

I just put $150 a month back in the bank by refinancing our mortgage! Yeeeah-hoooo! Look, I'm not the bank-rates-watching type. You'll NEVER catch me talking about it. Although, I really do think I'm pretty good at managing the household finances. I'm a SAHM, with 2 babies (a 2 yr old & 5 month old), so I keep a close eye on our dollars so we can keep it up. I look for sales when I shop, squirrel money away, plan for big purchases, and don't splurge... often. Hey, I never said I was a tight wad. I'm not above a nice bottle of wine, or eating out. Vacations, though none are being planned right now... are essential to good living, if you ask me. I love to travel. But that's another story. Ok, so we did splurge on our double-stroller. And I will NOT justify that. It's about quality, you know. If I see a toy I, I mean, my babies MUST have, then, sometimes I just can't help myself.

Anyway, as soon as we signed the dotted line on closing day for our house, I put that waste-of-a-tree (stack of paper) in the file cabinet and called it a day - haven't seen it since. I hadn't really even THOUGHT about refinancing until a colleague of my husband's suggested we look into it. So I gave it a whirl. I'm SO glad I did!!I spent 30 minutes on the phone with Wells Fargo and went from a 6% interest rate to 5.25%, without spending a shiny copper cent! We're gonna save $1800 per year! Hell, yeeeeaaahhhh!!! This is THEE BEST! I'm almost buzzing from excitement... I love it when I can pull money out of the air. And this isn't chump change, either! I'm thinking a few extra bucks towards our kiddies' college tuition, some towards our savings, and maybe even Indian take-out tonight! I love a delicious reward :)