Monday, March 30, 2009


What am I supposed to do about bathing suits going forward? I'm still trying to decide how I really feel about my new body. I have days, when I stand in front of the mirror and I think, "Ya know, Mommy? You look so pretty. Soft and supple like a woman should. There are other days, when I'm like, "Hey, it's ok. You had 2 babies in 2 years. But, bikini's may be off the menu.".

I don't hate anything about me. I never have. I haven't fallen for our culture's hateful programming of the feminine kind. Sure, I'd like to have a six-pack, less cellulite, a toner body over-all. BUT, I also know that if I REALLY wanted that, I'd spend the requisite 7 hours a week to make it happen. Can't say I'm THAT interested.

I feel like every woman I talk to has body issues. It's almost like the thing to do. Is it the current days' brand of modesty? Do so many women, young and mature, really loathe their bodies? I know too many women who are completely concerned with what they eat, how much they weigh, what everyone else eats, what they weigh, what size clothes they wear, etc. Projecting onto eachother, even on loved ones, their body image issues. I don't get it. What the hell?

Being a Mother, and all, I feel like I owe it to my kids to love myself, all parts of me. I'm teaching them how to feel about themselves. Right? I need to acknowledge my kindness, my fun loving spirit, my intelligence, my accomplishements, my emotional depth, my life, my good health. I'm not talking ego - the inflated/compensating kinda posturing. I'm talking, be cool enough with myself that I don't hide behind self deprication. It's not cute. It's sad. Why do we feel like we have to point out our flaws? Does it make us more likeable? Is it the whole, misery loves company thing?

I want my children to feel good about themselves, as youngens and oldens! So, I'm not going to fall into the trap. We all have character... and in my book, that weighs a hell of a lot more than the number we see on the scale.

So, now I know exactly how I feel about my new body. I'm cool with it. A seed was planted, it grew into a beautiful blossom, and I am charged with tending to it for the rest of my days. And I will love that blossom by loving myself.

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